What’s on my mind? Openendedness. Lack of clarity. The unknown. Could be ambiguity….

ambiguity |ˌambiˈgyo͞o-itē|noun  A lack of decisiveness or commitment resulting from a failure to make a choice between alternatives: the film is fraught with moral ambiguity. ORIGIN late Middle English: from Old French ambiguite or Latin ambiguitas, from ambiguus ‘doubtful’.

Mmm, maybe that’s not it. I mean while I feel indecisive, I am quite committed to finding out what other choices there may be and don’t really feel I’ve failed just yet to make one.  Maybe its ambivalence…

ambivalence |amˈbivələns|noun  The state of having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something or someone: the law’s ambivalence about the importance of a victim’s identity |government ambivalence toward the arts.

I am certainly feeling loads of mixed everything these days so perhaps this is more on target. How long can one live in a state of ambivalence? I am getting better at it than I’d like and question the difference between feeling ambivalent and just going with the flow….not attaching to any one idea too strongly but giving a fair shake to several or even many. When, where and how will the clarity come? I am told to wait. To be patient. To listen. Well, patience is not my strong suit but unfortunately this is where there doesn’t seem to be much choice. I cannot act if I don’t know what to do.  My butt is starting to hurt from all this sitting, but I will persevere. Sooner or later some inspiration, light of revelation, some great a ha will appear…..right?   Sigh.

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