Why is Yoda in my head? Maybe because its Halloween time and I have no idea what the heck to be. Thanks to the children for reminding me of this fact especially when this is probably the least I’ve ever been motivated to be festive. Maybe I should be Yoda. 

In all truth he is probably in the recesses of my brain nagging me to stop thinking, get back to being, and DO what I am supposed to be DOING.  That, of course, is capitulating less, walking more, sitting at the damn wheel (which I blew off last night actually for a good reason. Sleep. Light was out by 9pm. That’s unheard of for me. Therefore the neglecting of my new supposed duties feels justified. Especially since I awoke at 5:50am) and not stewing.

Some people are really good stewers. I think I might fall into that category. I wish some incredible product or thought process emerged from stewing, but alas, nothing productive comes of it. At. All. (I thought a picture of stew here would be appropriate, but honestly every picture of stew I found looked kind of disgusting. Don’t get me wrong, I love stew. But looking at the meat and potatoes and soft cooked veggies turned my stomach a little bit).

And speaking of stew, soup actually, my friend dear Eve was on a similar journey of sorts and kindly allowed herself to be verbally pummeled on Monday as I regaled her with all the trials and tribulations of late.  I found her process of making soup until she found her way out of where she was the only motivation I’ve glimmered in myself for a while. It makes sense to find something, anything, that I can do with relentless abandon that won’t harm anyone or anything until I figure this out. I have decided I am going to walk, and make vessels, and keep doing the simple things. Not feeling the relentless abandon part at all, but am hopeful it will show up at some point.  Very little makes sense these days, or inspires me, or compels in any particular direction. So for now I am getting myself on a ‘fake it til you make it’ mission. Maybe not a mission, but cause and effect anyway. I won’t be offended if you get bored reading about it. I know I will. 

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