The past few weeks have been so weird; disjointed days that are at times joyful and almost in the next breath terribly sad. Summer is supposed to be a time a respite, family and being in the sun. There has been this along with laughter, many dips in the pool or the river and being with friends. But we have also been with friends in a much different way. We have held their hands and each other and cried while we watched one of us slip away. One of us. It isn’t supposed to happen this way. We are all too young still aren’t we to helplessly watch death cheat one of our own?

I don’t want to be cliche or flowery. It can be so easy to say the words everyone hears when someone dies or to expound cheesy poetry. For me I feel a true heaviness in my chest that’s palpable. My thoughts go blank and I see her in my mind and that is all. I hear her voice, I remember her smile and try to hold onto all the funny, intelligent and often sarcastic things she would say.

I have to do something. It’s what I do. It finally came to me and its helped me feel just a little bit more useful and a little less powerless. I am going to create a memorial for her of words and memories of what she has meant to others. She loved fall and the Sox and the stories I am reading about her are so great. I can’t wait to use all those words to create something beautiful…meaningful despite the recent ugliness that just wasn’t her or what her life was about. Maybe it will help me say goodbye. Hopefully it will help her family look at the beauty that she created around her. Love you Gail.

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